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Kiss My Gay Ass

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OK. I’ve sat on this blog post for a few days now… because I’m so pissed that I just don’t know where to start. I’m not normally at a loss for words.. at least not when blogging, so this is a little weird.

So…. deep breath… and here goes…

Dear fundamentalist religious right and those who believe that gay marriage threatens your marriage, your job, your rights, or your life in any way, shape or form…

Would you get off your high moral horse, slap yourself in the face, and take a big dose of reality? You *do* realize that you are using the same arguments that were used to defend slavery, segregation, and to prevent giving the right to vote to women? If you don’t realize it, then try this exercise. Write down why you think gay marriage is a threat. Then go do some *gasp* reading about the arguments used for the above mentioned controversial issues of the past. Anything look familiar?

Also, really? I mean, really? You don’t have bigger and better things to be concerned about? Things that actually do impact people on an every day basis… like hunger? homelessness? child abuse? the health care crisis? You’re really going to focus more energy on a couple of queers getting married than a homeless, hungry, sick, abused orphan? If you’re answer is “Of course not…”, how much energy *have* you spent on that, really, in comparison? Hm?

You *do* also realize that this is a nation of immigrants, which includes not only christians, but also those of jewish and muslim faith, eastern philosophy, and atheists and agnostics? And that was by no means an all-encompassing list. And yes, while this nation was founded by christians, it was founded because they were trying to escape religious persecution, and I think it’s pretty safe to say they didn’t start a country here hoping it would encourage religious persecution of differing views.

I’d also like to know what you think is going to happen if gay marriage becomes legal? The moral fiber of the nation will suddenly burst open? Your spouse will wake up tomorrow and declare that because the homos Rick and Joe down the street got married, your marriage must now end? She or he will pack his or her bags and move to a country where there is no gay marriage so that she or he may find a new spouse and live in a marriage safely protected from the gays? Look, don’t blame the gays if you are insecure in your marriage and family. That’s your own shit to work out.

I guess in some twisted way I should feel honored that you bestow that much power on us gays. But really, it is misplaced. If you really want to go after the things that are destroying straight marriage, let me give you a list of better places to start…

1) Infidelity: I’m pretty sure the gays that want to marry have nothing to do with the people who are cheating on their spouses. I’m pretty sure that’s happening because they are choosing not to honor their vows.

2) Football season: I also think it’s fair to say that football season has and will continue to erode more marriages than gay marriage. Although admittedly there’s something a little gay about a bunch of middle aged men getting drunk and watching men in tight pants run around and spank each other for a job well done… so maybe that is one of the gays’ plots that they forgot to tell me about… (We gays all have the same agenda, yes, but occasionally there are amendments that through some blip in technology don’t get passed along to everyone, and then we have to rely on word of mouth, which is at best slow…)

3) Reality TV- With shows like Bachelor, Wife Swap, How to Find a Husband, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire, Who Wants to Marry a US Citizen, Married on MySpace, Who Wants to Marry My Dad?, Average Joe, Bachelorette, For Love or Money, Joe Millionaire, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance (my personal favorite…), and Temptation Island.. just to name over a dozen… shows like these do a fine job of trivializing, minimizing, and making a mockery of marriage on a daily basis. Are you seriously going to argue that a gay couple who wants to get married threatens the sancitity of marriage in our society when our society continues to keep shows like this on the air by watching them? Our society already obviously doesn’t hold marriage in a very high regard… at least the straight society doesn’t seem to. We gays want to get married so that we can actually honor the idea of marriage… and have protections for our families and homes… something you straight people seem to have taken for granted for so long that you have even forgotten how to do…

Which brings me to gay families. I wasn’t going to bring the kids into this, but, really, how can you talk about marriage without talking about kids? My personal favorite is the latest ban in Arkansas for gays to adopt or foster… placing who knows how many kids out of stable loving homes and back into a system that is already overloaded and not working well. Good job. Let me try to find a way to explain why I think gays make at best awesome, at worst, adequate, parents…
Any asshole can forget to put on a condom. Then that asshole is a dad!
Your average gay (or gay couple) has to *plan* to have children. They have to make a concerted effort. It doesn’t just happen. There will be no accidental, unplanned pregnancies in the queer world. In fact, gays who want to adopt or lesbians who want to get pregnant have to go through extraordinary measures to do so… emotionally and financially, including the planning and the legal arrangements to ensure that the family will remain intact should something happen to one of the parents at any time before the child turns 18. These are people who *want* to raise a child and are prepared for the commitment it entails. And will never take it for granted.

And, if this hasn’t made you think twice about how horrible you feel gay marriage is and how it surely will mean the destruction of our nation’s ideals and all that is holy and good, let me give you some of your own advice… If you don’t like it, move. You’re in the minority now. Oh, and kiss my gay ass because I’m really just over your nonsensical selfish whining.

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