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Announcing my new boyfriend, Chris Hayes!

Oh Chris Hayes, you make this queer heart of mine confused and a flitter. I will henceforth be referring to you as my boyfriend (just because my girlfriend thinks it’s funny), and since Rachel Maddow is her girlfriend, it seems only fair that I get a TV personality to make dreamy eyes at as well. So that would be you.

Try to contain your enthusiasm. And do not fear. I am sane. I’m not a stalker or freakishly weird. I just think you’re so damn cute! And I love your appearances on Olbermann. I get giddy just hearing your name announced! So, you, Chris Hayes, are my television boyfriend.

Please keep the openly unabashed amazement and razor sharp cutting commentary at the Bush administration’s unmitigated gall coming in your segments. Because sir, in the words of the infamous Cher, “Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes.” Stick it to them, Chris, before they make their final run to safety in the Dallas suburbs.

In your honor, I give you the gold star of the day in my blog.