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Wait, so Sarah Palin smoked pot?

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Ok.

Sarah, you are really a piece of work. 

Apparently smoking pot was ok because when you did it, it was legal in Alaska. So, you didn’t break the law… But seriously, Sarah, queen of death panels yet user of Canadian socialized medicine, questionable wardrobe financing, reader of anything and everything that’s put across your desk, and now reality tv show seeker, you need to go away. 

Obviously you were only interested in the VP position to be famous.  Thank God that didn’t happen.  If you wanna be a fame whore, that’s totally your business, but please drop the phony “everywoman” “I love my country” facade and just admit you want money and fame.  You’ll do great on a reality show… That’s about as intellectual of a job I think you can handle.  Plus, I can very easily just NOT watch it.

Oh, and about the pot… I really don’t care. Puff away. But can you stop adding to the list of things you are hypocritical about because my brain just can’t handle another addition. K, thanks.

Witness to the Execution

Headline of the day:

Palin pardons turkey then gives interview as other turkeys are slaughtered in the background. Film (everywhere) at 11.

Oh my God. If you haven’t seen the interview, go to youtube (because I’m sure it’s all over the place) RIGHT NOW and watch it. It is unbelievable. Then come back and read the rest of this.

It would be one thing if I thought she was making some sort of bold statement, sending a critical message about animal welfare, challenging America to look at the grisly truth behind our unquenchable thirst for tryptophan naps during this holiday season. It would be one thing if she was at all deliberate in her actions or words during the interview while birds were slaughtered in the background. But she wasn’t.

She spoke of levity and fun with the backdrop of a turkey beheading station complete with a bloodstained worker and equipment. She quipped sarcastically that people would probably find something to criticize about her in that interview while we watched a bird placed in the cage upside down to be stunned, beheaded, and then removed for presumptive plucking.

Just when I think I’m not interested in hearing or seeing any more about Palin, she’s gotta go and do this. Now I’m googling it and looking for clips on all of the news shows just so I can watch her sheer obliviousness in awe. Whether she knew what was going on behind her before she agreed to stand in that particular spot or not is really beside the point. Or actually it makes my point. Either way, she looks like an ass. If she didn’t notice what was going on right behind her, that is just odd and a bit unbelievable. If she did know and didn’t see any need for concern or explanation as to why she chose that as her backdrop, that is either incredibly callous or naive… I’m not sure which. My guess is both!

I wish I could see the mountains of mail she’s going to get from animal rights groups. Don’t get me wrong. I eat turkey and I still will. I’m not so foolish as to think it’s a quiet pretty trip for the turkey from their pens to my plate. And I have plenty of mixed feelings about it. But I don’t want to see it, governor!

This is the part where I go from talking about the governor to speaking directly to her.

Governor Palin, I know up there in Alaska you shoot wolves and moose and drive snow machines and eat caribou sausage. I get that you live off the land and as a result are most likely more familiar and comfortable with the inevitable process of slaughter. And as someone who was raised in the south with a family of hunters, I can respect and even understand that.

But I can guarantee you that most Americans are quite comfortably and purposefully removed from that whole killing part of the process. I’m not saying that makes us right, but I do know that as a result, we don’t want to see it! Are we hypocrites? Maybe we are. But you just participated in a ceremonial pardoning of one of them and declared that you were a friend to all animals! It’s not too far-fetched to say watching the slaughter of the not so fortunate turkeys behind you was a bit unexpected. We don’t want to see that. Especially not when it’s supposed to be a “feel good” story. Most especially not a week before we are all about to simultaneously present countless numbers of them proudly to our families and friends on our dining room table! The holidays are hard enough. We don’t need guilt about the turkey, too!

Regardless of what you might think it doesn’t make you more folksy or endearing or relatable to give an interview while turkeys are slaughtered behind you. It makes you creepy and brings not only your judgement, but the judgement of those around you into question. Seriously who among your staff thought that was an OK, let alone a good, idea?

This bears repeating. Governor Palin, though we might know that the turkeys have to be killed in mass quantities to make this wonderful family holiday a success, we don’t want to see it! We are voluntarily in denial about where all of those turkeys in Giant and Safeway come from and how they got there. We don’t want visual aids or even re-enactments of the process. We most certainly don’t want to watch it actually happen. This is not an Upton Sinclair novel. This is Thanksgiving. As far as we want to know, turkeys come from the magical land of Butterball by sliding down a rainbow and landing in our ovens, not from overcrowded farms by being stunned by electrical shock and beheaded. Got it? Stop fucking things up!

Fucking things up? What things, you might ask. Where to start? First you fuck up things for women by insulting the very idea of feminism with your mere existence as a politician. Then you fuck up things for gays by being closed minded about your understanding of love and your inane drive to “protect” heterosexual marriage. You continued by fucking up things for proponents of that crazy thing called science with your belief that man and dinosaurs roamed the earth together, your refusal to acknowledge the existence of global warming, and your ignorant mocking of scientists studying fruit flies. Why was that ignorant, you ask? Fruit flies have been the key to understanding genetic mutations, like… say… the one that causes Down Syndrome, the cause you claim to hold most dearly. That pesky science. You never know when those crazy studies they are doing might actually be worth something!

But back to how you are fucking up the illusion of Thanksgiving dinner for America! The turkey is the only real thing we are looking forward to! (And the day off of work, of course.) And if the turkey-eating population are upset, one can only imagine how the vegetarians and vegans are going to react. Way to piss off two polar opposite groups in one fell swoop! But then again, you’re pretty good at that.

Governor, you are running out of people to alienate and piss off, which is fine with me because I’d love nothing more than to know that after this post-election news dies down, we will never hear from you again. But I feel a sense of obligation to you as a fellow human being (since that’s really the only common ground I could find) to say this… What are you doing? Since I disagree with you on every topic I’ve ever heard you speak about, I hope you never progress in national politics. But don’t you want to give yourself a fighting chance? Just sayin‘. But hey, “no worries,” right?
(Unless you’re a turkey anywhere near a Palin interview.)

And one more thing, Mrs. Palin…

Astutely pointed out to me about my comments to you regarding people blogging in their pajamas in their parents’ basements… Could some of those be people who lost their homes in the mortgage crisis? Could they be people who’ve been looking for a job in this craptastic economy for so long that they’ve given up hope? Do you want to beat them down a little more with any insults aimed specifically at them or are you content now? The person who very wisely made that notation has been talking about guest blogging with me. I know I’d like to hear more.

Pajama Wearing Bloggers and other dangers to America

Dear Mrs. Palin,

I would like to congratulate you on your keen insight into those who might criticize you. I am indeed writing this blog in my pajamas. I am not, however, writing it in my parents’ basement. That would be rather difficult since they divorced when I was four years old. Their marriage, no doubt, somehow destroyed by the mere thought that gays might one day gain the right to marry. Yes, I am a child of a broken home, an eerie foreshadowing of the days to come as a result of the gays’ dangerous and threatening quest for equality. Somehow, gay marriage retroactively caused the demise of my own parents’ marriage. I know now that if they had been aware of the true cause of their problems, they might have seen a light, hung in there, and not broken the sacred vows that they had taken. I’m sure the same could be said for that 50% of marriages that now ends in divorce. Instead of being a child of a broken home, I could be a child of an unhappy marriage. I’m not sure, but I think I’d still have some issues. I’ll have to ask my therapist about that. But my point is this. The gays quest for marriage equality somehow ruined my parents’ marriage over 30 years ago. Those gays are dangerous.

Now, this newly uncovered piece of information is doubly disturbing for me to know since I am one of the gays, which means that I am actually part of what caused my own parents’ divorce. It’s like Back to the Future meets Queer as Folk. Sca-ry. I wonder if I decided tomorrow that I’m not gay (since it’s just a simple decision anyway), and I looked at some pictures of my two younger half-sisters, if they would be slowly fading from the photos. And if they were somewhere playing a guitar on stage if they would slowly start to fumble the notes and discover that their hand is transparent (a la Michael J Fox.) It would be as if my singular stand against the evil power of the gay could erase the mistake of my parents’ divorce, and also my sisters’ subsequent births as a result of the remarriage of both of my parents. Kinda screws with your head, no?

But back to the blogging in parents’ basement in pajamas. I do not have any children. And if I lived in Arkansas, I could say that I never will. (Way to put 1/3 of your foster children in flux, Arkansas! Good job!) But, if I did, I would absolutely LOVE it if they were blogging about you, Mrs. Palin, in their pajamas in my basement. First of all, it would mean that they were paying attention to current events in politics. Awesome! Second, it would mean that they have a fondness for writing and voicing their opinions. Dangerous in this country, I know, but I applaud it just the same. And third, it would mean they weren’t out contributing to the nation’s already growing number of problems associated with teen drinking or teen pregnancy. I mean, kids who are blogging in their parents’ basements aren’t out getting into trouble. Maybe if more people gave their kids some PJ’s, a laptop, and free rent, we’d have a lot less crime. Just a thought. I think all those conservative right wing crazies ought to think about that. I mean if they don’t want to teach sex ed or give their kids condoms, maybe this is a good alternative. I bet Levi’s parents are thinking it would have been a good idea right about now.

So, Mrs. Palin, before you blanketly dismiss anyone who is writing blogs in pajamas in their parents’ basements, maybe you should think about the upside. I understand that you were implying that they are uninformed, unemployed, and basically lazy. But, it also means they probably aren’t out actively doing anything to make sure you never get elected to public office again. Which would you prefer?

I am the ass of the day.

OK. What were they thinking. Seriously?

Thank you America!!!

Thank you Senator, or should I say President-elect, Obama for finally handing Senator McCain and Sarah Palin a long overdue good old fashion spanking. They’ve had it coming for quite some time after their dirty campaigning. You wagged your finger at them a few times in the debates but finally tonight you put them over your knee and spanked them but good. I hope you enjoyed it as much as all of us socialist, unamerican queers who watched the election results at Phase 1 did.

I know you strive for unity… so do I. And I know you would probably discourage behavior that would feed into the already vast and seemingly uncloseable divide. But allow me just a moment to dance in the end zone because I couldn’t really enjoy the game for fear that our country would blow it at the voting booths. Please just give me this brief moment of joy at the thought of you accepting that concession phone call from the weasel McCain. Let me picture Palin’s face, crushed with sorrow, when she heard that you won Ohio. Let me wallow in the knowledge that you pulled out a win even against that dirty playing, hate mongering, fear baiting campaign. Let me bask in knowing that I played a small role in putting the crazed, power-drunk republicans in their place. Give me just a moment to imagine the sight and sound of millions of tiny little republican tears, the wailing, and the gnashing of the teeth. Allow me just this one little chance to tell the pompous, condescending, ignorant asses to go cry to their mommies because I sure as hell don’t want to hear their whining. And to use one of their favorite quotes to give them a piece of their own advice… “Hey, if you don’t like it, then move.” Sorry, I can’t suggest where to, though, because I can’t think of a country that they might be welcome and be treated like they seem to think they deserve without granting the same respect to the others that live there.

This country is mine again now. I support Obama’s message of unity and acceptance, equality and healing. I always have. I’m sure I will get past this knee-jerk reaction of wanting the republicans to take a flying leap. I just might need a day or two. They’ve really screwed the pooch on this election with some tactics that were so sleazy, so morally reprehensible, that I don’t really have any inclination at this exact moment to work on my compassion and quest for a mutual understanding. Right now I just want to flip them the bird and watch the bloodbath that is now the blame game of why they lost. Right now I just want to sit back and watch them turn on themselves. Finally. Let them tear each other apart for a while. They’ve already done a fantastic job of tearing the country apart.

Moments after hearing of Obama’s victory, a friend of mine said… “I might consider hanging the American flag outside my house now. Maybe.” You know what? Me too. In the blink of an eye, the sight of an American flag doesn’t stand for supporting a war entered into as a result of lies and willful ignorance. The sight of an American flag doesn’t stand for raging conservatism and blind allegiance to a government that doesn’t respect its citizens. The sight of American flag doesn’t stand for prejudice and oppression. It stands for hope, equality, unity, and a port in the storm for those in need. It stands for opportunity and fairness. It stands for diversity and healing. It stands for me, again.

Now I’m not done ranting about McCain and Palin because I believe they should be questioned about and held accountable for the manner in which they conducted their campaign. You know, that whole pesky history repeating itself, learn from the past train of thought. But I will try to start also raving about the good, the hopeful, the promising details. So I officially will start awarding gold stars to those who strive and fight for something better, something fair and good, something decent and commendable. And I am honored to award my first gold star to President-elect Barack Obama. God be with you, sir. You will need all the help you can get cleaning up the mess left by the current administration. January 20th can’t come soon enough.

Is is wrong?…

That I refuse to add Sarah Palin’s name to my spell check dictionary because I am praying to a God I don’t even know if I believe in that in 12 days I won’t have to type it again?